Hakkasan Group Clones Calvin Harris

Calvin Harris

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Ok they didn’t yet, But what if they did?

Last year, We reported on a comedic satire EDM news website, That gained a lot of attention when Steve Aoki tryed to Sue them in 2014 for an article they wrote on him.

Wundergroundmusic.com

Now Wunderground is back with another funny EDM news article we couldn’t resist. Hakkasan Group Clones Calvin Harris. Check it out below.

In case you missed every EDM blog last week, Hakkasan Group made a super-duper hyped, big, exciting, mega announcement that Calvin Harris — a resident they’ve already had for two years — will be signing on for an additional three years.

“I’m so excited I get to hear ‘Summer’ every time I’m in Vegas now!” said fan Melissa Quimby from Podunk, Arkansas, adding, “I mean, like, besides the times all the other DJs play it in their Vegas sets, and besides the fact that it’s the middle of winter.”

To keep the momentum of the thrilling news of more-of-the-same for Sin City going, Hakkasan Group has gone one further to insure there’s never another Vegas night without Calvin Harris again.

“We were already spending millions for Calvin to rock the booth and play his staple set at Hakkasan, Wet Republic and our forthcoming Omnia Nightclub,” says Neil Moffitt, CEO of Hakkasan Group. “We basically own him anyway—and that includes his DNA.”

Moffitt cites another Hakkasan cash cow as inspiration. “There’s already a wax figure of Tiësto we’ve propped up a few times when Tijs has too many shots,” Moffitt comments. “We figured, ‘Let’s take it one step further and the more Calvins the merrier!’”

The Human Cloning Foundation is responsible for “Calvin Harris Part Deux” and more Calvins will follow as Hakkasan continues the path to a worldwide nightlife monopoly. Rumor has it that the Calvins may even perform a 2×4 together at Electric Daisy Carnival, but scientists have yet to successfully splice donor Z-Trip’s turntablist skills with Harris’ low number of DJ talent genomes.

“It was much easier to clone Calvin than actually dig for fresh talent,” Moffitt says. “Now we’re building our army of exact replicas of Harris that can play all of our venues, all the time.” Hakkasan reps add that for a cool $50,000 they’ll even send a clone to your bottle service table to take selfies with you.

Calvin Harris (the original, or CH1) is thrilled at the prospect. “I’ve always been interested in the possibility of a complete Las Vegas takeover where no matter which gig of mine you catch, and no matter how hard you try to escape me, it will consistently be the same no matter what.” Cloning Calvin also has a secondary benefit in prolonging his career for all eternity in that his duplicates can be harvested for organs that have failed due to excessive partying.

Wundergroundmusic.com